if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
