waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
