Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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