Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
