I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I forget how to act sober
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
