i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
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