there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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