Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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