Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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