I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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