dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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