All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Screwed.edu
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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