It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
