I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
