You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
