I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
