Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
