10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
There's always time for handjobs
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
