i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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