you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
