I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
