I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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