He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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