I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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