the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
3pm strippers are depressing
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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