Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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