im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
