If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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