Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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