$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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