do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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