i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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