I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
