Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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