What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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