So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Less talking, more tequila
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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