He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
