She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
