Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
