That's intense
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
