I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
