It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
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I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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