tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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