My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
