yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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