Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
