what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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