Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
