those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
