you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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