He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
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So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
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Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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