hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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