Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He did a backflip because drugs
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
