She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
