I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
