Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
