you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i came on her dog
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
