your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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