There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
