we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
