ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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