Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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