So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
