Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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