Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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