How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
