I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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