2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
