My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
