From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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