Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
