You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
