I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
