My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
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