I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Come see our sink grown plant.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
