What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
