Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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