I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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